A Shinobi's Warning
by Good Omens
Summary: Being Hokage is a tiresome job, especially with the unruly shinobi under his command. [May be updated again, despite being 'complete'. Disclaimer for every chapter; I am not Masashi Kishimoto and thus do not own Naruto.]
1. The Kyübi Attack

**Attention Every Konoha Ninja:** There will be no mention of the furry menace that terrorized the village, nor how it was stopped, nor where it is now. As far as you are concerned, it never existed.

 **Hatake Kakashi:** I must insist that you return the baby where you found him, order effective immediately.

 **Jiraiya:** Cease the never-ending gifts to Naruto immediately, he is much too young to begin learning sealing when a mere week old. Never mind whose son he is, even prodigies begin at the very beginning and not the middle.

 **Namikaze Minato:** I have half a mind to revive you and make you take the job back, if only you hadn't given your life to save the village.

 **Orochimaru:** After what you did, do you truly believe you are welcome back in the village simply because we are one less Hokage than we were a week ago? I am still walking around here, too, or is it you that age has gotten to?

 **Senju Tsunade:** Don't think I do not know where you are, we need you now and if you do not at least come by to help out until we are better off, you will be paying your debts all on your own.

 **Shimura Danzo:** I know what you have done and ordinarily you would not have gotten away with this, but as it is, we do not have the room or money for them all, so good luck raising all those children, you will receive no help from me. This is what you get for that foolish stunt of keeping our Uchiha Shinobi away from the battle.

 **Shinku Yühi:** Unlike with Danzo, I am pleased that you have taken well care of our future. Well done.

 **Uchiha Itachi:** I understand that you wished to protect your brother and show him that you can do so, but the next time you simply stand there as the village is attacked and do not run for safety, you will be required to learn every escape tactic in the books and not be allowed to use anything but until you are Chunin.

 **Uchiha Fugaku:** As grateful as I am for how well you did in protecting our civilians, I order that you at the very least try to reign in your wife.

 **Uchiha Mikoto:** I understand that you wish to honor your friend, but if you insist on helping Hatake Kakashi kidnap children, I will have to insist that you start him off with learning to care for your youngest. Without help from your oldest.

 **Uzumaki Kushina:** Why did you have to be so stubborn and Uzumaki? We could have done better if you were still here.


	2. The Hyüga Affair

**Attention Every Konoha Ninja and Civillian:** I understand your frustration, but despite his hyperactivity, Naruto is just a child and should be treated like just that, a human child. If I have to warn you again, there will be dire consequences attached to said warning.

 **Hatake Kakashi:** If I did not know better, I would accuse you of being a Nara.

 **Hyüga Hiashi:** I admire your concern for your child, but perhaps you shouldn't be so careless. The Head of a Clan is important.

 **Hyüga Hizashi:** You will not be forgotten.

 **Jiraiya:** The gift was well received, however, putting money in there was ill-advised when not informing those of us that can ensure they stay his.

 **Maito Gai:** Your enthusiasm is admirable, but toning it down when the Civilians wish to sleep, would be more pleasant than 'Youth'.

 **Orochimaru:** You are still not welcome here, and if I find out that you had anything to do with our current situation, you will find yourself in the need of a new hide.

 **Senju Tsunade:** I have heard the rumors - Jiraiya informed me - and I am well aware that you are still following these, so this is your warning that I require visits from my other non-traitor student.

 **Shimura Danzo:** We both know what you have done. Repentance will be accepted in the form of assistance on a certain matter.

 **Uchiha Itachi:** You are growing well, but you will have to try to work up a resistance to the dreaded puppy eyes, or you may come to regret it.

 **Uchiha Fugaku:** Seeing as you are an honorable man, and that you were, in his words, 'a nice old man', I will excuse your detaining of Naruto upon a mere complaint. Sending a notice my way, the next time, will ensure your safety from other accusations, upon the discovery of a missing little child.

 **Uchiha Mikoto:** In light of your Clan Head's actions, perhaps you could see it fit to make it a habit to keep an ear out? It would not do for Naruto to get _bored_.

 **Uzumaki Naruto:** It is admirable that you can run and hide so quickly, a skill that will be sought upon as you enter the Shinobi world. I wish you well in your future endeavors.

* * *

 _ **A/N: For anyone concerned about the notes to Naruto who probably can't read yet at that time; he's making a point to everyone else, showing that if they can be mean to Naruto, he's going to allow Naruto to get payback for it. Also, I keep getting a little confused on timelines, so I just decided to go with Orochimaru having betrayed Konoha before the Yondaime died, even if that's probably wrong. It worked too well to my advantage to triple check.**_


End file.
